I was also considering titling this post- “Your Book Might be Awesome and Nobody Will Care”, because in my almost year of being an author that is a truth I have absolutely learned.
I think my books are awesome. I thought they were awesome five years ago when they were getting rejected all over the place. I *still* think they are awesome- but as rejections, bad reviews and sales numbers roll in I wonder if they are awesome enough.
I wonder if I am.
As writers we put ourselves “out there” in a way few artists do. When people don’t like or ignore our work it hurts in our hearts. It has the ability to break us.
Some days I will admit, I do feel broken. Some days all I want to do is eat chocolate and cry.
Some days I don’t, but even now the nagging this is good but not good enough feeling hasn’t left me.
There are simple things you want as a writer: We want other people to read our work. We want other people to want it. We want to feel like we aren’t just screaming into an empty canyon that doesn’t even have the decency to echo back.
So what happens when you get to a place where you feel like these things aren’t happening?
How do you keep writing day after day? Submitting? Putting yourself out there, when what you’re getting back is “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you.” Or worse, “I think we should just be friends.”
Where do you get the strength to keep going?
No seriously, I want to know.
I’d love to be able to tell you where you get the strength to face the laptop, the email box and Goodreads day after day after day, but to be honest I don’t know.
There may be a day where I can’t anymore. There may be a day where you can’t. That scares me more than anything, but for now, I am keeping the faith. For now, I believe I have something people want to hear.
For now, the way I feel when I’m writing and it is flowing is what will keep me coming back to the blank page.
For now, I will remind myself I am awesome until I believe it and you should too.